too

I’m too skinny.

You are too loud.

labels place judgment or criticism

consider everyone’s uniqueness, extend understanding

My body is thin right now.

Do you think you could speak softer?

should

I should practice more.

“should” feels like obligation or guilt

“could” gives you the power of choice

I could practice more.

shouldn’t have

I shouldn’t have done that.

makes you wrong or bad

decipher what you learned and focus forward

I learned from the experience and I can do something different next time.

you

You get to a point where it’s frustrating.

“you” projects outward onto others

own your feelings and opinions by using I-statements

I get to a point where I’m feeling frustrated.

always / never / everybody

You never want to go outside.

Everybody is so rude here.

overgeneralizing uses little info to make big assumptions

be specific

When do you like to go outside?

When I said “hi” it seemed they ignored me.

this is the worst

This is a total failure.

“black & white” or “all-or-nothing thinking” can be perfectionism

allow gray areas

I see things that were well done, along with what could be improved.

can’t

I can’t do it.

might be true… or is it that you “won’t”?

decide what you can do

It's up to me to make it happen if I choose.

it doesn’t count / Yes, but…

I passed the test, but only because it was easy.

disqualifying the positive undermines good attributes and experiences

it’s safe to accept the good about you & others

I passed the test and I feel good about it.

not accepting a compliment

You’re my friend; you have to say that.

devalues other people’s opinions

receive the compliment as a gift and show gratitude

Thank you. I’m taking that into my heart.

I’m sorry for being a burden / I’m fine / It’s fine

I’m sorry for being a burden.

manipulating others with guilt is an unhealthy pattern

bravely and lovingly share your feelings if the other person is open to it

I’m feeling bad that I need to ask for your help again.

habit of apologizing

I’m sorry, I’m sorry.

taking excessive responsibility depletes confidence

pause and reflect on whether apologizing is true to yourself

(if yes) I’m sorry. Thank you for ___. How can I fix it?